(no subject)

[onewizardwolfpack]

Remus wasn't drunk, but he would have liked to have been. His house wasn't the spacious luxury abode that Sirius' was, but whoever had built it had done so very carefully. The breeze moved through it wonderfully, and the floors were always cool and smooth, despite grooves left from what he knew were the claws of a large canine. Possibly more than one. It was like a charming tropical version of the shack, in that way, which he probably should have found more off putting.

What little furniture he'd bothered acquiring subsisted of a bed and some chairs and a low bench with thick woven palm fronds in place of hard seats. He hadn't bothered for a coffee table. Single lamp on, casting a warm orange glow over the hut's primary room, Remus sat with one knee drawn up and his back against the sofa's front, turning the pages of a book he wasn't really reading and drinking a beer he'd pilfered from the Winchester. It wasn't cold any longer, but beggars couldn't, he had frequently been told, be choosers.

It ought to have sunk in by now, he figured, but some lessons were harder to take to heart than others.

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[onewizardwolfpack]

He rolls hips hips back in the moment Sirius is paused, moving him at a different angle and uttering a short, strained cry at the result. He props himself up on his forearm and hides his faces against it, reaching down to stroke himself fast, almost rough, panting harshly.

"Come on," he gasps, not entirely clear on whether he's encouraging himself or Sirius. He just knows he wants the feeling of Sirius moving in him harder, wilder as his control slips and fails and he falls apart.

[blackedout]

No one gets this part of Remus Lupin but him. No one. Sirius knows that Remus is far from a saint, that he can't have been celibate all this time, but he knows too that it can't be only arrogance that assures him in this. Gasping, arse in the air and desperate to swallow Sirius back up again, Remus is completely fucking glorious and for nobody else but him.

One hand at the small of Remus' back, the other clamped hard at his hip, Sirius dips his own hips down, angles his cock up and watches in open-mouthed fascination as he begins a harder rhythm. "God, I fucking love you," he exhales, eyes fixed on the slide of his cock, the words so instinctive he has no idea yet he's even said them.

[onewizardwolfpack]

It was easy to describe Remus as soft spoken. He rarely raised his voice- he had no need to- and being loud mostly only served to draw attention to oneself. That doesn't stop him from shouting now, though, crying out with every slam of Sirius' hips because no one but the man presently inside of him has ever touched that place. It's so good it hurts, and he could say as much only Sirius speaks before he can manage.

Remus' breath stutters and catches, any real sound or, potentially more damning, reply stopped in his throat. It's not just that Sirius knows instinctively, still, how to fuck him, how exactly to reduce him to a humming, desperate pile of need, or the fact that Remus' hand on his own cock moves with expertise born of years of experience. Those would be enough to have him crying out and coming hard but fucking Sirius Black and the careless abandon with which he throws around particularly weighty words, words Remus hasn't heard in years and has been desperate to, moreso than he could have possibly realized (and from Sirius most of all, always), push him over the edge with startling efficacy. Remus seizes up, every muscle going taut before he utters a guttural cry and spasms, hips pumping twice and then he's done, gone, shuddering and gasping Sirius's name in a broken, keening litany.

[blackedout]

There's no possible way Sirius can hold off after witnessing that, and as Remus' orgasm shakes out of him, Sirius feels as if it's being shaken out of him, as well. They don't quite come together but it's terribly close, Sirius' hips going hasty and erratic as Remus dissolves into trembling gasps, and a moan catches hard in Sirius' throat as he pitches forward, skinny hips still pulsing as slumps, spent, across Remus' back.

"I missed you," he repeats, and what he intended as a quiet remark shudders out of him, too, as the hormones hit. He wraps an arm across Remus' chest and buries his face at the junction of shoulder and neck. "I fucking missed you so much."

[onewizardwolfpack]

He's not ready for it. One off handed comment was enough, but the vulnerability in Sirius' voice shakes him, and his lips are brushing the ragged edge of the oldest scar tissue on Remus' body, and he can feel the pulse fluttering in Sirius' stomach moving against his back and the smell of sex is so heady and painfully familiar. Remus' hands both grab onto Sirius' forearm, hold still for a moment, then slide over sinew and muscle and then he has both arms wrapped around himself, holding Sirius' arm to his chest, the rest of him sinking limp and heavy into the mattress under his friend's weight.

There are a million things he could say in the moment- answer in kind, tell Sirius he loves him, too. A million ways to reply but all he can manage is, "Only you. Sirius, you're the only- Oh, God, I've needed you."

[blackedout]

They lay like that what seems like a long time but likely isn't, Sirius not even bothering with the pretense of propping himself up; he weighs so little it hardly matters. He stays there until their breathing syncs, boneless and wrapped up in the familiar scent of Remus' skin, and by then he's gone so soft that he's barely inside of Remus anymore.

Sighing, he shifts over, lean and suddenly exhausted beside Remus on the mattress. He makes quick work of the condom and then presses a trembling hand across his eyes.

"Come here, please," he says, hand still in place.

[onewizardwolfpack]

Remus lets out a soft noise when Sirius pulls away, then turns and goes to him without hesitation, boneless and warm, draping himself along Sirius' side and tucking an arm about his waist. He presses his face against Sirius' chest, kisses the warm, pale skin, then tips his chin up and noses along the line of Sirius' jaw to his ear, his hair, nuzzling closer.

"Sirius," he murmurs softly, resting his forehead against the other man's temple, then lets out a shaky sigh and whispers, "Padfoot," fingers curling over the back of Sirius' knuckles.

[blackedout]

Instinctively, Sirius knows this isn't going to last. Nothing he's said was a lie, but they've been in afterglows similar to this one so many times, and the light of day always proves far too harsh for such fragile contentment. Remus has fallen in love with him all over again, and somehow, some way, Sirius will ruin it in the end.

Still, Sirius pulls Remus in with both arms and nuzzles into the mess of Remus' hair, and squeezes his eyes shut against the certainty sitting like a stone in his gut.

[onewizardwolfpack]

Remus can't stop the short, heavy breath from passing his lips, pressing closer into the embrace. He wants so badly to tell Sirius that he loves him that it's a real, physical struggle to stop himself, but he does; he presses his mouth against Sirius' throat, instead, breathing him in and focusing on the sensation of his pulse against his lips. After what feels like ages of lying still and warm, he moves again, cards his fingers up into Sirius' hair and turns his face to kiss him slowly. It could all fall apart so easily- historically the evidence suggests this is, in fact, guaranteed- but Remus finds himself desperate to stave it off.

"Stay," he murmurs, leaving their lips in contact, lashes lowered but eyes not shut. The thought of waking up alone is suddenly crushing, the idea of that first moment's disorientation- not knowing if Sirius had snuck out or disappeared, back to a life with no real future.

"I want you again, and then- I don't want to wake up without you here."

[blackedout]

The words hurt, a sweet pain that shoots right through Sirius, but he nods just enough to be felt in the brush of his lips against Remus', and presses in for another languid kiss.

"There's no place I'd rather be," he whispers, and it's the absolute truth, even if he hates himself a little for saying it, and hates himself even more for leaning in and murmuring his next words compulsively against Remus' ear.

"I meant it," he says, subdued but in earnest, and imagines himself to be the most selfish person in the whole fucking universe for wanting Remus to know that despite how wrong everything is bound to go.

[onewizardwolfpack]

Remus has to swallow, has to take a moment to fight the way his heart speeds up. He's not twenty any longer, nor is he fifteen, heartsick with want for his dashing best friend. He isn't and hasn't been since even before his world collapsed into total, utter ruin.

Save in a few key ways that mean, of course, he is, and will probably always be.

"I know," he says quietly, after a moment where his lips move without any sound leaving them at all. If there's resignation in his tone, it can't be helped. He turns his head to nose at the shell of Sirius' ear, then turns it further to chase after Sirius' mouth again.

"I know," he whispers again, and kisses Sirius again, needing to, needing the taste of him in his mouth and the feeling of their breaths passing into each other's bodies.

"I love you," he sighs against Sirius' lips, because it's true and Sirius knows it is, and there's no point in not saying it even if the ways in which it's true have shifted over the years.

"I never stopped."

[blackedout]

For all that Sirius is so desperately greedy to hear all of that, to have Remus so wrapped up in him and only him, still he has to tamp down the part of him that feels utterly sick over it. Agitation flares sudden and hot through him, and he very nearly pushes Remus away.

He'd known better than to come here. Yet here they are, doomed to repeat history again and again.

Eyes closed, he crushes his mouth against Remus' and lets himself fall into the warm slide of limbs and tongues intertwining, hitches the other man closer and finds some brief felicity in not thinking about the fucking consequences.

[onewizardwolfpack]

Consequences were always Remus' specialty to fret over, but they hardly matter, here. He is acutely aware of the fact that life on the island cannot possibly get any worse than his life at home had been, whatever pain he willfully sets himself up for. He can recognize, nine times of ten, a truly terrible decision when he sees on, but his ability to stop himself from going along with it anyway has always been abysmal. It's fine, though, or at least, he doesn't care. A soft noise escapes him at the rough, warm pressure of Sirius' mouth, and he returns it in kind before he slides his arms around the slender frame against him, pulling him over, sliding his knees on either side of Sirius' hips and pressing up to meet him.

"Like this," he murmurs after a time, finally breaking his lips from Sirius', sucking briefly on the lower before nuzzling at his mouth and stroking his fingers through messy black hair.

[blackedout]

It isn't normal for Remus to dictate how any of this goes, but Sirius finds himself grateful for the direction, the distraction from his thoughts much-needed. Still soft and over-sensitized, Sirius rocks easily into the space between Remus' spread thighs and catches a hissing breath in the little space between their mouths.

"You want to see me fucking you?" he quietly asks, catching Remus' eye for a slim moment before he nuzzles up under Remus' chin and fastens his mouth to the tender lines of his throat. He sucks up a mark and then licks over it, all the way up to Remus' earlobe and back down again.

"I want to come in you," he murmurs, and then flicks his gaze up again. "Let me come in you."

[onewizardwolfpack]

Perhaps it was the canine in them, but the baring of and touching of throats had always been a powerfully incendiary little act. Remus lets out a soft, keening breath, whole body arcing up at the weight of Sirius between his legs and the feel of his mouth on his neck, and when he meets the other man's gaze again his eyes are dark.

"Yes," he whispers, pleased he doesn't have to ask, fingers curling around Sirius' jaw and tracing up into his hair.

"Want you to."

[blackedout]

Gifted though Sirius is at fucking, he can only recover so quickly. He turns his attention back to Remus' neck, languidly expanding the mark there with lips and teeth as if he's got all the time the world. Perhaps, he thinks, in this place they actually do.

Impatience predictably gets the best of him, though, and it isn't long before Sirius draws away enough to place two fingers into his mouth. Eyes locked on Remus', he drags the fingers back out again and then slips the hand between their flushed bodies, his hips rocking instinctively forward as he presses into Remus with a twist of his wrist.

[onewizardwolfpack]

Remus is aware he forfeited dignity the moment Sirius had him asking him to stay merely by turning away, and so nothing stops him voicing his want, or how satisfying the expert slide of Sirius' fingers is. He shifts beneath the other man, knees settling wider apart, taking mental stock of the faint, sensitive stinging on his neck and the raw feeling elsewhere. It's fucking brilliant.

He hisses softly before gasping, pushing the breath out, and pulls Sirius' head down to lick at his mouth, past his lips, to coax at and suck on his tongue.

[blackedout]

They stay like that awhile, all languid kisses and the slow stroke of Sirius' fingers, but there's only so long Sirius can ever go before his body seems to demand further action. He slides a third finger carefully in beside the first two and then leans up, kiss-flushed and unkempt, watching Remus behind hooded eyes.

"Tell me what you want," he says, hips hitching forward against Remus' thigh.

[onewizardwolfpack]

It's an effort not to tense again, and Remus manages it until Sirius' fingers have slipped into him as far as they're going to. He clenches, swallowing hard at the pressure, eyes closed and head tipped momentarily back, then relaxes his body and breathes softly out through parted lips. When he tilts his chin down again and opens his eyes the sight is almost surreal. He licks briefly at his bottom lip, chews it, then turns his eyes up to meet Sirius', wide and clear, steady. It's tentative, though- the pressure of those fingers threatens to set him writhing.

"I want you in me," he says softly, words that would have made him blush horribly ten years ago, and leans up enough to kiss Sirius again briefly, artless and wet.

"Fuck me. Sirius," he murmurs, rubbing their lips together, smoothing his hands over the backs of Sirius's arms and shoulders, gently curling his fingers to scrape his short-bitten fingernails up Sirius' neck.

[blackedout]

The lube packets were lost in the wreck they'd made of the linens, and it takes a moment of one-handed searching before Sirius finds one and rips it easily open with his teeth. He's liberal when he drips the contents down between Remus' thighs, over his fingers, still pressing Remus open with long, smooth strokes. He makes a glorious mess of it before tossing the empty packet aside and dragging slick fingers free to grasp his cock.

"Tell me more," he murmurs as he looms back over Remus again, hitching one leg over his skinny shoulder.

[onewizardwolfpack]

The wet slide of Sirius' hand and the sure, quiet way he arranges their bodies gets Remus' blood up, and even as his hips shift, straining for more contact, for what comes next, he can feel himself flush at the request. He wouldn't have thought anything could manage that, anymore. Every stroke of Sirius' fingers earned a low, breathless noise, but talking? He's not sure he can.

He doesn't know how to ask for anything, he realizes, after his lips move silently for a moment. Sex has become easy and straightforward for him- the places he's worked have been conducive to it, certainly- and almost completely silent affairs. Someone approaches him, he decides yes or no, and it's in the most convenient dark corner, up against walls, wherever it's most feasible. There's no ceremony to it, and there's very little discussion, let alone this.

"I-" His fingertips dig into the sheets.

"Want- Sirius, slow. Please. And then-" his hips lift a little and he closes his eyes briefly.

"Hard."